The opening match of poop madness pits a modern juggernaut against a classic source of digestive trauma. When it gets down to it, this bracket is about one thing, and one thing only: regret. Which food do you regret eating the most when the time to pass comes? When the food is warming up in your digestive locker room, which one do you fear battling the most? Which food makes you beg for a mercy rule, or leaves you hoping not to run through an entire roll of toilet paper? Enough of the theatrics, let's get into it:
Buffalo wings:
Gonna be honest here, wings are a pretty big underdog. That said, show me a man who says that he never regretted eating too many wings and I'll show you a god damn liar. Everyone has too many at some point and you can't do anything but shake your head as the fiery sauce makes its exit. At my worst, I once had to soldier crawl to the bathroom the morning after a wing binge because of the havoc they wrought on my intestines. One of the lowest points of my life presented by this tournaments lowest seed. Buffalo wings ain't no slouch and they'll battle until the end.
Chipotle:
All that being said, Chipotle is to pooping what UCLA was to NCAA basketball during the Wizard of Westwood years. It's an institution built on the pillars of "never solid" and "always burns." When South Park's describes your calling card as a trail of bloody excrement on undergarments, then you've probably earned a number one seed and a chance to dance in the stool-ite 8, and that's before bringing up their hot salsa.
My opinion isn't one matters though. Vote in the comments or on twitter @bupoops, @wtbubeanpot or @evilbigshibber. Feel free to stir up discussion with your thoughts and experiences. Voting ends Tuesday at midnight (or 12 AM Wednesday).
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